Tag Archive: Women


“It’s your fault. Why did you wear that dress?”

Those were the words the Rebbetsin spoke to me as I sat in her office after a boy had ripped open my snap-button denim dress because I wasn’t done sharpening my pencil quick enough for him.

I was nine years old.

After the incident, which happened in front of the whole classroom, I was sent to the office of the Rabbi’s wife . As a girl, being sent to the “Rebbetsin” was the equivalent of being sent to the Principle’s office.  The boy who ripped open my dress wasn’t sent anywhere. In fact, he wasn’t reprimanded at all.

It was my fault. I wore the dress.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. Not only was it always going to be my fault, but that turning to those in charge would do nothing. No one was going to help me.

  • A boy ripped your dress? Well, maybe you should have worn a different dress.
  • Your manager at McDonalds pushed you up against a wall and stuck his tongue in your mouth? Please, we all saw how chummy you two were, you clearly wanted it.
  • A co-worker keeps telling you that you have ‘child bearing hips’ and he would love to put a baby in you? You should be flattered because he’s hot.

In the wake of the Harvey Weinstein revelation, women have been sharing their #MeToo stories. They have been heartbreaking to read, yet not shocking. Most of us have dealt with some form of harassment. And while there are many people out there chiding men for their bad behavior, the folks who were most cruel to me after I tried to speak up, were women.

It was the Rabbi’s wife who told me that I shouldn’t have worn the dress.

And it was a female co-worker at my old job at McDonalds, back in my senior year of High School, who told me that our manager had every right to shove me up against the wall, near the garbage dump, and stick his tongue down my throat because I was always smiling at him and laughing at his jokes – Of course he thought I wanted it.

It was an older, female, co-worker who told me I should be flattered by the married guy who kept telling me he wanted to put a baby in me and my “child bearing hips.”

Just the other day, while discussing the Weinstein situation, a female coworker told me that while what he did was horrifying, she blames the victims for everything that happened not only to them, but to the women this guy raped and harassed after them because they should have spoken up sooner.

Another woman blamed the victims saying that if they dressed like ‘skanks’ they deserve what they got.

Why are women (mostly older ones) so cruel to other women who were harassed, and who now are speaking out about it?

Donna Karan came to Weinstein’s defense, talking about what a difficult position HE was in and that, we should, instead, look at how these women present themselves.

Mayim Bialik (yes, “Blossom” or, “Amy Farrah Fowler,” if you prefer), in an OpEd she wrote for the New York Times, said that women who ‘dress modestly’ are less likely to encounter sexual harassment. Essentially, proving, that even women who think they are feminists, still don’t get the point.

How are women supposed to report instances, if the first question we often hear is “are you sure?” Followed quickly with “what were you wearing?”

And how are women supposed to feel safe to report instances of harassment, when more often than not, the people asking these questions, and casting doubts, are other women?

And should women start donning birkas? Maybe we should all dress Frum? Would that help? And why is the onus on us? And why do we ourselves put the onus on us?

And if men are so weak that they can’t control themselves at the sight of a woman’s natural hair, or her elbows, or her knees, then how the hell are we, who are clearly so powerful that a glimpse of our smiles can make a man lose all sense of right and wrong, not the ones in control of the narrative?

Oh that’s right, because we really are our own worst enemies.

Women are vicious to one another. We are catty. We are the worst at victim shaming, slut shaming and judging.  We have allowed our cultural norms, which were set by men a long time ago, to force us to be in constant competition with one another. We watch shows like “The Bachelor” and “The Real Housewives” for the soul purpose to watch women be evil to one another.

If this #metoo movement has shown me anything, it’s that this has happened to EVERY woman I know. Every. Single. One.

Imagine if we all decided ‘enough is enough’ and actually stood by one another? No more slut-shaming, no more cattiness, no more excuse making, no more jealousy because of another’s looks, luck, man… Stop feeding into this notion that women need to be bitches to one another – it’s how men like Weinstein, Trump, Ailes, O’Reilly, etc, managed to get away with their shit for as long as they have.

Change the narrative.

Stop making it about “what did you wear?” And ask the real question, “What did he do?”

Stop teaching girls that we need to hide, or that our lot in life is to be submissive, or that we in any way, shape, or form, are to blame when men are the ones who can’t seem to control their ‘urges.’

Teach boys from an early age that women aren’t ‘less than’ and that ‘no means no’ and that if they see another boy/man disrespecting a woman, that he should stand up for the girl.

There are men who want to be our allies in all of this. I commend them. I’ve read their responses to the #MeToo movement, calling for men to do better.  I am heartened by their words and genuine horror at what they are witnessing in the revelations coming from the women in their lives.

But before we can accept their help, we really need to start to help ourselves.

And to that I must say #MeToo.

 

Advertisements

Ladies and the Trump…

Trump has a problem with women. He does. Believe me. My vagina dries up the minute I hear his gravelly voice spewing unintelligent bullshit only his “uneducated” supporters seem to understand.

I cannot respect a man who has zero respect for women beyond their value as sexual creatures. He even sexualizes his own daughter. Have you ever heard Trump talk about his daughter Ivanka?  Do you not gag every time he lasciviously brags about what a great body she has and how if she weren’t his daughter, he’d be dating her? On a side note, does he really think that a young, wealthy, successful business woman, who doesn’t need a green card, or his money, would ever date him, daughter or no? Puhleez! Has he looked in a mirror lately? Has he SEEN that face? Stupid and ugly – He’s lucky he’s rich or he’d never get laid. But I digress.

If all Trump seems to care about when listing his own daughter’s ‘achievements’ is her appearance, then what do you think his first consideration is when hiring females?

When Carly Fiorina was still competing for the GOP nomination, he went after her not for her horrible record as a business woman – he went after her appearance (“Have you SEEN that face?”). When Megyn Kelly challenged him during the first debate, referencing his previous attacks on women, he came back with a not so veiled reference about her attitude being a result of her “bleeding from her wherever.” And now, with Hillary Clinton appearing to be the one he will face in the General Elections, he comes out with perhaps the dumbest statement ever, claiming that the only thing she has going for her is that she is a woman.

Like her or not, and believe me, I don’t, she has a hell of a resume. He said if she were a man, she’d be losing? The truth is,  if she were a man, he’d be shitting his pants. It is because she is a woman that he thinks he can beat her. In the world of Trump, the man is always on top.  I’ve lived with a narcissistic douchebag who thought that he was the king of the castle and all women were subservient to him. I know of what I speak. If Hillary were a guy, Trumps balls would have shriveled up at the idea of going to battle with her. Hence his need point out her femininity, or her use of the so called “Woman Card.” In his mind, somehow pointing out that Hillary is a female weakens her, when in fact, it strengthens the resolve among women to NOT vote for his misogynistic ass.

And for all of you spewing that crap about wanting a president who isn’t so “politically correct” – There’s a difference between “Politically Correct” and common decency. So stop it, or I might have to remind you that most Trump supporters are viewed as white trash assholes who still wave a confederate flag while wearing white robes and burning crosses and bowing to some shit head who calls himself a “Grand Wizard.” So lets cut the PC shit. It’s not a matter of being PC or not, it’s a matter of respect. And nothing about Trump, when it comes to women, is respectful.

There are a million other reasons why I would never vote for Trump –  His embracing both the KKK and the American Nazi Party; His views on race; His proposed foreign policy; His proposed economic policy; His complete inability to act like a grown man instead of a toddler; His promotion of violence against those who speak out against him;  His lack of class; His proposal to get rid of the free press; His proposal to reinstate torture and ‘make’ the military do whatever he tells them to do; His proposal to get rid of both the EPA and the DOE (so we’ll have even more uneducated voters for him to swindle… but with the planet dying, we won’t have to endure him for TOO long).

The list goes on and on. And while those are all valid reasons, as a woman who enjoys being valued for her brain, I refuse to vote for a man who thinks that what he has (or doesn’t have) below his belt gives him any right to treat me as a second class citizen. Trump thinks Hillary has a problem with female voters? He clearly hasn’t seen the polls. At present, Hillary leads Trump in the female vote 66% to 33%.

I’m a woman who doesn’t like Hillary. I’m a woman who still wishes there was a real  path for Bernie to win the nomination. But I’m a realist. So, I’ll vote for her if she is the Democratic nominee,  because I’m also a woman who likes breathing clean air and drinking clean water; I appreciate well educated people; I love being a citizen of a country that has a Constitution we can all argue freely about; I would prefer my tax dollars be directed towards the improvement of our infrastructure, education and health systems and not towards paying subsidies to companies who don’t pay a dime in taxes; I will vote for Hillary, because the next President will be appointing one or more Supreme Court Justices, and I would like to see Citizens United overturned, Roe v Wade and Obergefell v Hodges upheld.  I’ll vote for her, because I respect myself way too much to ever vote for a misogynist like Trump.

As for the few women who will vote for Heir Drumpf, hey to each their own. They clearly enjoy being reduced to sex objects, who, if they aren’t as attractive as the daughter he wishes he could bang, he sees as nothing more than pigs and hags. They obviously love the idea of working their asses off only to earn about 75% of what their male counterparts do. They obviously have no problem with being treated as second class citizens or being told what they can or cannot do with their own bodies. They can’t possibly have read his Foreign Policy proposal that was released just yesterday. They obviously don’t care that his way of getting out of debt is by filing for bankruptcy. They clearly don’t mind being represented abroad by this thin skinned imbecile who would no doubt consider half of them too unattractive or old to hire at one of his firms. It’s a sad fact. But that’s fine, because there are more of us who are thinking of the country and the well being of women in the country than of our dislike of Hillary.

Obviously, 66% of us actually love ourselves and our country enough to make sure that Trump never sees the inside of the Oval Office from the business side of the desk. We may not all LOVE Hillary, but she, and her use of the “Woman Card” trumps the Trump card any day.