Tag Archive: anger

The Kids are Alright…

“And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations.
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through”

“Changes” – David Bowie

In response to yesterdays “walk out” by HS Students all over the country,  protesting gun violence in schools, and the refusal of legislators to do anything to prevent another school mass shooting, some folks decided that kids should have, instead, had a “walk up.”

The idea was, instead of walking out to protest the fact that adults have failed them, the same adults who elected a bully into the oval office, believe that kids should have walked up to kids who were bullied, or who were loners, or otherwise ignored, and befriend them.

It’s a nice notion, and should definitely be promoted by schools on a daily basis. The fact that bullying is wrong and harmful should be taught all the time, not just as an expedient distraction from a recurring national tragedy.

Of COURSE we should do everything we can to prevent bullying. That should be a no-brainer. But it is a discussion completely separate from the mass-shootings we, as a country, have experienced over the past few years, in schools, churches, malls and movie theaters.

Shootings that had very little, if anything, to do with people who were bullied in school.

Put it this way, none of the school shooters were victims of school bullying.

– The guy in Florida was expelled for threatening violence against his classmate, and he beat his ex-girlfriend. He was actually a bully.

– The guys in Columbine bullied all the classmates they later killed.

– The guy in Sandy Hook was diagnosed with emotional issues and instead of seeking medical assistance for him, his mother took him to a gun range and gave him virtually unfettered access to her stockpile of guns.

Clearly, bullying is a problem, and it needs to be addressed. But the fact is, most bullied children end up committing suicide. They don’t kill others.

Mental illness is also a problem, and it definitely needs to be addressed. But it is only part of the problem, when folks with mental illness, or violent backgrounds, are still able to purchase guns with little to no background checks. And the fact that the current President, in his effort to get rid of any progress made by his predecessor, got rid of the regulation that would have helped prevent those with mental illness from purchasing guns, doesn’t help.

And then there’s the Second Amendment – The NRA’s favorite tool by which to instill fear in gun enthusiasts. But have any of these ‘protectors’ of the Second Amendment ever read the whole thing?

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed”

Regulation IS a part of the language, and since most states don’t have a “well regulated militia,” (The National Guard is as close as most states have to anything that qualifies) all you gun owners are subject to the laws of the individual states. It’s not your God-given, or Constitutionally-given, right to own a gun without anyone regulating said ownership. Sorry. Read it. Read it over and over and over again until you let it sink into your brain.

Just like my First Amendment rights don’t allow me to shout “fire” in a crowded theater, your Second Amendment rights aren’t absolute.

And that should be common sense, no?

We live in a society made up of people and laws made to protect us from those among us who may not have the best of intentions, or who may not have the mental capacity or responsibility needed to carry something that, in the wrong hands, can be dangerous to innocent people around them.

What most people, including most responsible gun owners, want, is for some form of unity in the law that would make it equally as difficult for, say, a mentally unstable 18 year old to get a gun in Virginia as it would in New York.

And, for the record, I really don’t give a shit about the semantics or the differences between guns and rifles and semi-automatic, or high caliber blah blah bullshit. A gun is a fucking gun and every single one of those things was created to kill a living being. So before you give me some bullshit about cars, or whatever distracting, irrelevant, nonsense argument you’re about to try and throw at me, shut it.

Seriously. I’m done debating this shit. It’s all a bunch of semantics and deflection. And doing nothing about the issue hasn’t helped anyone except the NRA and gun manufacturers.

I’m sure that if someone really wants to get a gun, they can. Just like someone who REALLY wants to buy drugs, will always find a way. Just like someone who REALLY wants to rob your house, or your place of business, will find a way.

So we should make it easier on them by not even TRYING anything to stop them?

Why bother having any kind of laws at all if everyone who wants to do a bad thing will find a way to do it?

And please, give me a break with the nonsense about needing the Second Amendment so we can rise against tyranny. Are you kidding me? Does that mean, by your definition, you should also be able to buy a tank, or a nuke? Because you’re not going to do much damage with your AR-15 against the full force of the US Military.  Besides, that is exactly what the National Guard is for.

The kids who marched yesterday said it. Adults have failed them.

And those ‘adults’ who are coming up with every excuse to disregard or discredit these kids, guess what?

Roughly a quarter of HS kids will be eligible to vote in the mid-term elections this year.

Roughly three-quarters of todays HS kids will be eligible to vote in the 2020 election.

So please, do continue to disregard their concerns.  Maybe they’ll finally make the changes we need to truly make this country great again – Starting with ridding us of the plague of NRA-purchased legislators in DC, and then ridding us of the pestilence currently spreading his vile, putrid, stench throughout the White House.

For the first time in 15 months, I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Ms. Houston said it best… The children are the future. And the best thing we, as adults can do, is either get on board and help them make a better world for them, or get the hell out of the way.

A side of you well hid
When it’s all said and done
It’s real and it’s been fun
But was it all REAL fun?

You’re just a fuck
I can’t explain it ’cause I think you suck
I’m taking pride
In telling you to fuck off and die

“F.O.D” – Green Day

I’m generally a very optimistic person. I tend to see the best in people. Sometimes, my rose-colored view is misguided, and I have to deal with the disappointment. It’s not unusual. And for the most part, I’ve always been able to handle my disappointment well. I’d get angry and then I’d get over it. Eventually, I’d simply forget the person existed, or pretend they didn’t and ultimately, I’d become indifferent to them or any history we might have had together. I’ve even managed to forgive folks who have hurt me to the point where most folks would think I was foolish to forgive, but the truth is, I’m not big on holding a grudge. I am, however, pretty big on the whole idea of ‘moving on’ and ‘letting go.’ I don’t like negative energy, and so I try to dispel it as quickly as I can so I can enjoy my life.

I’m also not the type of person to ever use the word “hate,” or, at least not direct it at another human being. I learned early how harmful the word can be. As a child, during some temper-tantrum driven rantings, I would use the word “hate.” Eventually, tired of punishing me (or sending me to my room after a sound, and well deserved, spanking), my mother and step-father finally sat me down and tried to explain to me the true meaning of “hate.” They gave examples from history like the Holocaust, explaining that real hate is vile, destructive and horribly dark, and that while it may be an easier word to throw around in anger than, say, ‘dislike,’ any alternative would be better than that four letter word. They explained that if I ever actually understood what it meant to genuinely feel ‘hate,’ I’d never use it carelessly again when referring to another human being. And that truly anyone who would warrant that much negative emotion isn’t worth the stain on the soul that feeling it would place there.

They were right.

I couldn’t possibly ever have known. And I’m sure that I never really did know what the word actually meant, having, not truly ever felt it before.

That is until now.

I knew, that somewhere deep inside me, there was a very dark place. I guess my optimistic view on life, and my general positive attitude never fully allowed me to delve that deep. Or maybe I was afraid of what lurked down there. I mean really, I know we’re all capable of hate, just as much as we are capable of love. And there have been times, lashing out in anger, that I THOUGHT I felt it. But, my temper, which is slow to rise, quick to burst and then even quicker to calm, usually made me realize that ‘hate’ wasn’t at all what I was feeling; disgust, dislike, loathing – maybe – but never hate.

Hate is dark. Hate is violent. Hate sits in your gut, screaming to get out. Hate is indescribable. Hate makes you want to punch something, preferably the person at which the feeling is directed. Hate keeps you up at night. Hate is pretty much the most negative thing I have ever felt. And I doubly hate the person that made me feel this way for introducing me to the emotion.

They say in order to truly hate someone, you must’ve really loved them. And I did – silly me. I can’t say I wasn’t warned. I mean when someone literally tells you that you are misguided for seeing the good in them, that they are indeed the devil, and capable of being horrific to the people who love them most, you should probably believe them. My mistake was believing the good, and not fully realizing the bad – I will NEVER make that mistake again.

I realize that someone who would callously, carelessly and cruelly throw away the people in his life who genuinely loved him and cared for him, and had for so long, for what appears to be a more shallow, less meaningful experience, probably has issues that stem from his own self-loathing. And I guess I should pity the poor, pathetic fool for not seeing himself through the eyes of those who love him. But I don’t. I can’t. I’m too hurt and angry to feel anything other than hatred for the way he mistreated the people he pretended to care about. Seriously, how dumb could I have been as to trust someone who throws out the word ‘love’ within minutes of meeting someone?

And it’s funny, because I’d been warned by so many people. But I thought “oh you just don’t know this person like I do-really, he’s got a good heart. He’s a good friend.”

Turns out, they were right. I was wrong.

I truly regret ever having met this person and honestly wish I never would see him or hear of him again. And while I freely take my own share of the blame for being stupid enough to believe the show he put on – making us all believe he was someone very different than the person he turned out to be – I hate him more.

Truly, it shocks me he isn’t an actor by trade. He’d have won many awards for the show of being a human being he put on.

If there is any real humor in hatred, it’s the irrationality of it all. Hatred IS irrational. I’m sure that the person at whom all this anger and distain is directed at couldn’t care less that I feel this way. And I’m even more aware of the fact that the only person that’s hurting in this situation is me – Which only serves to further fuel my anger.  

I know, that time and distance will lessen the anger and hurt I feel. But I also know, that no matter what happens in the future, I will never be the same person I was, having felt this level of pain and this undeniable hatred. Something inside me has shifted, and it’s sad. I managed so long in life to not have felt this horrible thing I feel right now. But there’s no going back now. I’ve felt it. It feels like shit.

The only saving grace in this entire experience is that, while I know one day I’ll get past all of this, Karma is a bitch.

I told him, in what essentially amounts to a ‘fuck off’ E-Mail, I wished him all the best. I lied. I don’t. I wish him exactly what he deserves – Nothing more, nothing less.  While I sit here stewing in an irrational anger that will soon pass, this person has lost way more than I ever will. And if he continues to treat people who care for him as though they are irrelevant and inconsequential, well, then he will indeed get everything he deserves – which considering recent events, is nothing remotely resembling anything good.

(To anyone who IS reading this, trust me, if you have to ask, it’s not you.)